Today the lesson I taught was on: School thy feelings, oh my Brother!
It was on controlling our anger and emotions.
Having experienced life in the cancer world I have felt all kinds of feelings and emotions. Anger definitely being one of them. I rose above it though. I took this horrible thing and allowed to to change me. To make me better. Better with my children. Better with my life. Better with how I thought and cared about others. I came to know and trust my Savior Jesus Christ more than I ever have before.
I've learned about the atonement. I've learned how to apply it personally to me. You'd think that after all that I have gone through with my Taylie I would never allow myself to get angry with her. The very thought of losing her alone scares me. I want to cherish every moment I have been given with her. And not only her, but my other beautiful girls, Mayzi and Sunnie. Let's not forget my dear Husband, Bret. You'd think also with all the time we had to spend away from each other would make us want to make every minute count all the time.
As I have been trying to adjust back to my normal world, normal as not living in the hospital, I find myself to be quite a mess. I'm so wrapped up in so many things. It truly has been such a hard transition for me. I thought that If I could just get home that everything would be so good. I would be able to take all that I have come to know. All the trust I have been able to have in my Savior and just ride on through the hard times. What could be harder that what I just went through?
Silly me, oh silly me! Have I not learned anything?
Over the past two weeks as I have had the opportunity to study and read and ponder on this wonderful talk given by our beloved Prophet, Thomas S. Monson. It has not been easy for me to really look and analyze myself and how I really am as a person, as a mother, as a friend.
It's surprised me just how many times I have given in to Satan's tool of anger. How many times I let myself get angry. Angry over sometimes the simplest things. Why do I get mad with my kids? Why have I allowed myself to drop down to a level where even one month ago I swore I would never go.
Because Satan is so real. He is trying his hardest to make me feel like I'm a failure. Like I'm a mess. I've been putting way to much effort into the things that don't really matter. Things that I thought never could even compare to what I held dear in my heart. I thought I had it all figured out.
I have learned a very humbling lesson. I still need all the help I can get. I know where I can get it too. I need to keep on trusting. Trusting in Jesus Christ. For he is the reason I am here today in one piece. How dare I lose that trust.
"Anger doesn't solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything!"
Who did I teach today?
I am only human. I feel also like I have been through a lot. There is no excuse. I know what I should be doing. I need to take myself back to the start when I felt like everything I had was such a beautiful gift. Like I would never want to take anything for granted ever again.
The Lord is so mindful of us all. He knows what we need. Today I needed to give a lesson. Today I start anew to apply that lesson.